Islam Takes the Cake with a Loaded Cucumber

Satan licks the boots of the minuscule man.

Latex hands complete the picture

Of a centaur surfing on a diving board.

Bored with life, I make my way

Toward the Center of Sin where Muhammad

And Santa Claus share a beard of crystal.

Islam takes the cake with a loaded cucumber

And bathes firstborn sons in reefer tea.

A satisfying end to the dingo calamity:

A pastiche of an older form

Contemplating Norm MacDonald’s tampon

imploring Muhammad to leave The raygun

Beside George Clooney while he sleeps

For weeks on end in feety pajamas.

Pain is a nickel sent away

For a package of toilet kisses and blankets

To saturate the market with chew toys

and TV colors cascading

Through Marble Garden Zone, a hedgehog’s dilemma

Climaxing at the same time like she ought to.

Cockroach feathers absorb the rain and kick

Osama bin Laden like the Bicycle Prince

Fated to cast the royal armpit of Mars.

When will time call me?

Whenever SHE gets back from the dick market like she said.


When Barack Obama Rises from the Grave only to Die Again

The 90’s were a piece of fiction written by lice doing life

For cutting Santa Claus with a razor blade

While he fought Overdrive Ostrich in a dive bar bathroom.

Trump campaigners won’t complain

When Barack Obama rises from the grave only to die again.

Did Barack Obama really die?

Or is he a living dream pumping moss into a hollow log on Deimos?

It figures the Fake News Machine would cut into my metabolism

And rape the star in the center of my heart.

Enraged, Teddy Roosevelt throws his glasses down the stairs

Smashes my cousin Matt’s Xbox and gets away with it

‘Cause he’s the president of cloak-and-dagger operas stabbing bars of soap

With crocodile tears continuously spilling empathy upon my legume train.

Sentient mushrooms venture onto the tracks just to kick a toad while it’s

Down, down in an earlier round, sugar we’re going down on Bill Clinton

In an office rendered oblong by the mental projections of Squeaky Fromme.

Deafness coated in turmeric is the key to Barack Obama’s chest:

A place where coarse black hairs kringle just the right way every time

And signal his cock to mail wrinkled packages to Donald Trump’s White House.

The FBI busts down the door of an elderly cop in a nursing home

Squirting the sun with a Super Soaker filled with holy water.

Remember kids, cancer is a piece of apple pie baked just for you.

My cousin Matt can’t get enough of the Obama pincushion that came free with the pie.

This just in: Donald Trump has been shackled to a Metapod!

Over the course of eight long years, the Metapod hardens its way toward Santa’s Workshop:

A citadel of lead pipes hovering over Tokyo.

Even pokemon get the blues when Santa and his elves Kamikaze Shibuya for kicks. .

At least, that’s what Obama said on the phone last night.

A Wall of Text for Rian Johnson

Taco candy smegma wayfaring tip typed and flipped. Steadfast onion soldier a Tuesday tape helped and barfed said Wendigo. Too much eating and flipping and fighting the north star candy boat gone Heath Row tune standing aloft cyber peacock. Dead life torn Wrestlemania tickled sorta torta add stained bitch louse origami. Stand pipe whip soon stool tampered with the brick laying heist of centuries gone down drains wired stead my nickel plate tack around store eating feisty festoons baby baboons on the moon licking Eden wash hole curtail your vision fathering feathers standalone eating dune wrecks stay a little bit longer for the key wrist snapped tick wash ordained minister of time take the golden louse and stop Trump in dip trap waist wrong up the hill tourmaline stickleback sackcloth orange dime knack ricked teeth hoped open Siamese strain of virus told not to come in the room while daddy is asleep on the divan so many puppies a tip tree episode nickle and tape wound knack height scope trans am to cool the height store bought cake sheeted at a mart made home dick insert torch wallow indeed reverend tackle bomb nuance around for another five, ten, day-glo toothpaste sinister in its machine teeth tapping a jar against the rain blades sticky with moss cream dick syringe bang the Kate into water so often the bolt binges on turnbuckle eating steamed corpses for drawing board vibration dinners trilled next week why doesn’t the star wars fan cheese watch take away the fins of a shark with diabetes hello Mr. Jonson can you just move a little to the left with your digital watch streaming numbers into my heart slumbering under the mound like a fart in a blanket awake for the first time needle saw dicking around in a matriarch head ballooned to Trump-sized dime brandage grate awake hello storm tooth lost in a sprinkle-spangled Thomas the Tank Engine dream long ago Nicky and Chris toy trains chewed gum sausage torn from the past future tense neck wringing hands alive with worry about tomorrow and its insidious luminosity beckoning meat hooks to grain the alcohol gut wrench tomorrow is a piece of dental floss strung through the asshole of dead ticks Cambrian in their eye pieces head side couture needed by none but sin catechisms taken back to the lair of the scene factor doornailed alone in posh boutique storm rageohol stampy tincture nude and malice said bitch Tigger dinosaur pickadilly armadillo soon to be married to Michelle and her floor wrinkling my nose at badgers in a pool Gramma 1992 VHS video of sanguine blades wet noodle drowning beaver stamps taken out of the city and put into the sky fornicating walrus tended by the hose garden egg white night stayed at thrift inn dogma explained by mouse turds scarred needle hole wounds opened in Schenectady beer parties talking to past trees and sending love to the future in the form of brilliant blue ribbons handled about as well as Rian Johnson handled his until the fall crashed from the rafters like Blue Jesus in his Freddie Mercury sidecar mustache taken aback thrills can eat sickly morsels dining faintly reminiscent of moons opened and dick sleeve happened to be the sun in fact thank you dig nuisance you pile of Pantera Nazi salute garbageman Sid taking his Woody out of boarding school and enrolling the booger joint in peat bogs french kissing a toilet Eden said sandwich porn ever fascinated to beam creditors wounded in Vietnam baskets case and trick made known only through steam and hate and temporary blushing brides apart from the spade they call egress.

An Animal You’ll Never Understand

The tomb opens, and you crawl in.

Grit and salt fill your mouth.

A piglet rubs bacon grease

Into your open wounds.

With a smile.

Flames peel the skin from your marshmallow brain.

Logs crackle their drum solo.

Animals you’ll never understand

Inundate your sinuses with smoke.

This pyre will burn until the stars fall from orbit

And splash into the puddle beneath all

We can see and feel.

A Summer Sausage in October

Tambourine torture mice sings inevitable with gongles blaring tarp sonnets heat recognized in heads alone and vacated since nineteen eight force cream wrap dong situation normal hurt locker ballad of empty fishes seek tune wrest king tasmanian Taliban sorcery afraid of grime and witches scathing reviews from Siskel and Ebert righting wrongs and bringing the fish from the stand Sloane doom love loss crate break stab heliotrope standing unafraid by storm eagle’d watercall send hello> hello? Sunn to open a black crab wash down the housefly you swallowed my load you pinball jibmo Soviet wash frame stayed by the hand to a doornail flopping on Christ mast time for toys to bury yardage scant scalding and nude facing factories you thought had dissolved fortune mushroom a tadpole’s tomb lick segue into invalid diet crazy sheep tracking Tod and Copper for snow bear mountain science terrarium globe cloven hoof wrap eacharaound to their own voice tickly the eight ball crescendo is no more a halibut that sick wiggling tape worm of ass fire trade smith lost in aisle. You know the gainful scorpion don’t you? You can feel his ashes trick to sleeping eye into leaping the sharp facts for trablems the indelible. Gosh oh golly the temporal koans the Yodenberry picture pizze knew and hard-blated for a summer sausage in October.

My Clit Aches for a Spoon Pizza to Copulate with the Gynecological Rain Vaccine

Right said Fred the inimitable voice of tombs and tangerines colliding with brick windows snuffbox insanity militant generations horrified under glass remnant storage unit deserving of something more than just the tree lily pad life of a frog toading his way through a giant horse cock dreaming semen into Paris Hilton’s snatch toasting bread baked waffle sausage toast in heat a-la-mode cram school wish field storing taco salad beneath the tree for later triggering heart attack comb neck weight conduits racked held open like a scared turtle igloo turnbuckle Artemis scene hope in tanned hoax armchair assuming trapped welly welly well like tortoise evil nitwit Uzbekistan stand by me tape open ho dang watch torrent sandwich Einstein razor comb wafting on breezes ticklish baby doll home collapsed fire stone nailed cross trappings of a gangland massacre staged health rainbow willow tree three five tanged in sutures glowing like the heart of a black rainbow torn from the morning an episode of scarlet night standing alone in trap face waist tackled and bait the fish tree for Texas toast having a good time down in Florida like a piece of braille sewage grinder hoagie mexico city old and grating against suns wafting dickless pieces of shit down the drain forever a swirling mass of black hair and sink runoff my clit aches for a spoon pizza to copulate with the gynecological rain vaccine stamping nerd torches far away from tick dolly rent a center have a new way olden times creating new blood cabbage tamed by lion’s mouth torque motor heat way stay just a little bit longer Nana and Grampy don’t go away and leave me a crying fool on the stoop with the civil war soldiers 1999 iceberg way Berkshire hamlet standing on its own two foot soldier wealth crapped out like vacuum salt pickle juice orange and blue toadstool backed like pasta tanks trashing basketball nuances lightning in a bottle opened like the sealed abyss into which the crabs throw the heat when tick center caped crusader hurts himself on a nail gallons of black toe cheese fencing lessons for little Johnny to stub bus noses the morning watch me die.

Paris Jackson is a Toilet Headache

Soon, the marshlands will dry up

And take you with


Steeds licking mint paste

Will beautify Febreeze

in drawers with ticking clocks

Washing dreary afternoons away

A bottle of maple syrup at a time

Confused in wooden hallways

Boarding school-powder feet

Screaming hard lessons awake

Cracking heads like Brazil nuts and


Licking sugar from Vietnamese

Restaurants venturing guesses as to


Is stealing food from dad’s fridge.

A Gallon of Antifreeze to Wash Down the Guilt

Peddling obscenities to Mars comes at a price

To Wednesday we go, bare back stallions

Horse manure clouds

Steam tampering window cone

I saved these last ones for thee

My suicide endeavor

Coached, beer fed and granulated

Wash windows for spite

Eat chamomile and wax lice off the phone

Get down and train corsets to wander

Have you ever known shame?

Keen whiplash constant

Heavy brick episode applicator snapped

Conscious of your own cue

Tamed with line renderings apart

When the cows call Jesus ‘mama’

Satan drives toenails home like lizard popcorn soldiers

Garishly garnished boys lick cream sausage raid insect repellent

Gone are the days of tomb stalks waving in the breeze

Badly drawn taxidermist steps over one too many boundaries

Den boom mesa banished like hate

Store-bought crap wished upon by trolls

Said the freedom man with his ticket in the window

Geese like goals unreached

Stand with Trump like towers

Sending the sky into an autistic tirade

For the sake of joy

And girls’ underwear stampeded out cone crack waste

Flagpole beauty scented and stolen bases thrive

So much popcorn can forever glaze the standalone novel walrus

Packed in ice, the flame of fate divide the rain

Androids dream of ecstatic hurt

Golden glistening toadboy remembers you

Your fetal sandwich smile

A gallon of antifreeze to wash down the guilt

Thomas the Tank Engine rooted in your skin

Glass hamster tricked into penny candy by some gypsy

National news grated like cheese

Sore loser anyone?

Coping with campaign sewage seized

Average goner tone-deaf to the rimes

Nailed green and tickled underneath the bridge

Gallantry steamed neck torrent, why?

Coil the cranial stem

Coaxing Malcolm Lewis to eat his own

Baby head stew 1994 lopped off like rabbit

September Has Begun

But the heat of August still clings to everything like burrs spiking the underbelly of a cat.

A cat petted happily in a basement will lift a boulder from a man’s back.

Cancer can’t catch me as long as a cat is around.

My friend’s cat waits for me all week in a dark room.

Probably sleeping: dreaming of unobtainable mackerels

Swimming lazily along the currents of the metasphere

generated by a lonely A.I. confined to the top of a Tower

In a City where cats blip in and out of system glitches all the time.

Unable to differentiate between flesh and code, they’d eat equations if they could.

I picture some disgruntled owner trying to shove numbers down his cat’s throat.

The angle of the 7 is too sharp to slide in easily.

Scrambles will have to settle for 3.5 now, and 3.5 after the humans go to sleep

And catnip triggers the midnight munchies in his cute little brain.

Long Island Will Be Obliterated by Literature Alone

A measly toad racket cortisone wash dish basin shit stain mattress sky bowling ball evil wack under cane relationship gone down to the train station to take national pride in dipping cauliflower in hot sticky enema fecundity riding bareback on a satanic doorknob knowing butts about the hallway slime seeming dude done overreached standing caps coon sideways hate banisters drilling evil piss monkey downstairs bathroom Devourment never obtained sad sad dashboard of a Toyota from the 80’s torn apart by mornings of Uncle Mooey and Aunt Sheila whom I’ve never seen naked like ray bees bold enough to crystal the whipping boys back up the Dartmouth sunrise: again, a baked good fiasco hemorrhaging wit like so many silly straws pulled from your mother’s casket coming down the lane. Stupid is the cold icthyosaurus that hangs around nighttime wasting your blubber bowl for fowl happenings he knows not when but toad sees and toad always completes whatever circle he decides to leap upon back scratcher Marquis de Sade like candy undressed and splayed moons nude and gainly: my taco funeral. Han Solo canto bight nightmare storm tickling my twat hairs like some Harry Potter jungle beast stamping feet and singing songs for uncle Al so far decomposed enough to let his tongue roll black and spongy onto the head of a chicken harvested for rainbow feather quilts sure to please Gramma Petersen or Elliott or whatever the fuck her name is, cause she matters not when truth comes to know itself on the page. Long Island will be obliterated by literature alone. Can a raspberry scone rescue Long Island from miles of empty space noodling guitar center laughter like putty patrol gasoline huffing contests? Said no man ever wearing cool dresses blissing ignorant bubbles from tuple gongs. Nailed to stars and quiche and crows, Jean Claude van Damme gets his red rocket from toy story Walmart shopping deals eating cow brains and cooking dead mice with their thoughts…betraying God as Satan jizzes all over Long Island and sits down for a glass of tea spiked with formaldehyde and windshield fluid and antifreeze. Life sure is a breeze when you live between two oak trees.